228 - Finding Neurobelonging: From Self-Acceptance to Partnership
Overview
Marriage and family therapist Pasha Marlowe, with 32 years of experience, discusses relationships through the lens of neurodiversity and non-apparent disabilities. She reveals that 53% of Gen Z identifies as neurodivergent and/or disabled, challenging common misconceptions.
Understanding Neurodivergence
Neurodivergence is an identity, not a diagnosis, encompassing autism, ADHD, dyslexia, traumatic brain injury, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, Down syndrome, and mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and bipolar disorder. It represents anyone diverging from society's idea of "normal." This identity rejects the notion that differences equal disorder or brokenness, instead depathologizing and destigmatizing variations while acknowledging real challenges.
Key Relationship Tools
Access Intimacy: Partners share their access needs, support needs, and sensory needsā€”a universal practice beneficial for all couples, regardless of disability identity.
RESPECT Framework: Neuro-inclusive questions covering how people prefer to receive recognition, communicate, their energy levels, and sensory preferences for environments and activities.
Reframing Language
Marlowe encourages removing "too" from descriptionsā€”reframing "too emotional" as passionate, "too intense" as deep, and "impulsive" as spontaneous. She advocates for strength-based, affirming language rather than high/low functioning labels.
Core Challenges
Communication tops the list of issues, with couples often feeling they speak different languages or interpret words and tones differently. Honoring sensory needs is crucial for nervous system regulation and preventing conflict.
NeuroBelonging
The most important mindset shift: belonging to yourself first. Understanding personal values, truths, and needs creates wholeness whether partnered or not, preventing the "I'll be happy when" trap.
Contact Pasha here.
