235 - Building Confidence in Dating: A Sex Therapist's Perspective
Keri Green is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 20 years of experience and a certified sex therapist (AASECT). She specializes in relationships, sex, and intimacy, working daily with individuals and couples on their most vulnerable topics around dating and sexuality.
Why Sex Therapy? Keri saw a need to normalize sex and validate sexual identity. Whether someone grows up in a sex-shamed or sex-positive home, most still feel uncertain about their needs. "If we struggle having that conversation with ourselves, it's overwhelming to have it with a partner." Everyone deserves to explore their body sexually—if they choose to.
Asexuality & Empowerment Keri emphasizes client-defined sexuality. Whether someone identifies as asexual (no interest in sex) or highly sexual, empowerment comes from owning your choice confidently. Asexual people can absolutely date and form meaningful connections—it's about honest communication about what you want: companionship, cuddling, travel, without sex being the endpoint.
Biggest Misconception That people with disabilities don't want or can't have sex. "Everybody deserves to have sex." We all have limitations—physical, emotional, mental. Sex can be defined however works for you: not just penetration, but connection, pleasure, affection, vulnerability.
Late Sexual/Dating Experience For adults without sexual experience who want it: name it, don't shame it. Explore barriers. Often involves grief work—grieving lost opportunities or capabilities. Then focus forward: "What kind of partner do I want? Let's make it happen."
Building Dating Confidence Start small. Dating is one step beyond friendship—same skills apply. Be kind, ask questions, give eye contact. Don't label everything a "date" immediately. Low pressure builds comfort, which builds confidence. The right person respects your pace.
Handling Rejection Fear Go slow. First date can be a phone call or FaceTime. The right person won't pressure you. You deserve to have needs met—don't people-please into discomfort.
Online Dating Drama Disappointment happens everywhere—apps, dog parks, book clubs. Love is a risk and takes time. You deserve to find the right match.
Final Advice Normalize and validate anxiety, but remember: confidence is the #1 trait people seek. Come across as someone who knows what they bring. "You would be lucky to spend time with me." You can be both anxious AND confident. Own it.
Contact: kerigreenLMFT.com (licensed in California and Colorado, telehealth available)
Resources:
Check out coaching in dating and relationships with me to get the support and relationships you want.
Take our Dating Success quiz.
Music by Successful Motivation
Artwork photo by Elevate
