249 - Friendship Series: Everybody Has a Thing

The Friendship series has kicked off to examine what is similar and different when a disability is present - and how friendship development is a lot like dating - they both involve vulnerability, taking risks, and acceptance.

Two Friends, 40 Years

Kathy O'Connell and Nancy met at 18 as freshmen at Le Moyne College in Syracuse. Nancy first noticed Kathy when a professor seemed impatient with her during class — likely because of Kathy's disability — and introduced herself afterward to say so. Kathy had no idea it had even happened. That moment bonded them, and nearly 40 years later they're still close friends.

Nancy's Experience as a Friend

Nancy never found the friendship difficult or different in any meaningful way. She simply saw Kathy as a funny, trustworthy person and treated her accordingly. The one hard moment she witnessed was a stranger at a bar assuming Kathy was drunk because of her speech and movement — something Nancy found genuinely upsetting to watch.

The one real communication challenge: when Kathy gets emotional, she speaks faster and becomes harder to understand. The clearest example was the day Kathy called to share that her son Jaden's adoption had been approved — Nancy, in the middle of a store, misread the tearful, fast-paced call as bad news and nearly dispatched her husband to flee to Canada with the child.

On Disability, Dating, and Rejection

Nancy's view is simple: friendship is the foundation of any relationship, and disability doesn't change that equation. Her advice to people afraid of rejection — disabled or not — is to start small (coffee, a walk, a note), stay honest, and keep trying. As one of her students once said: "You might be the juiciest peach ever picked, but some people just don't like peaches."

What Makes the Friendship Work

Belly laughs. Shared humor. Total trust. Neither woman sees their friendship as different from any other deep friendship — just two people, both the youngest child and only girl in their families, who found in each other the sister they never had.

🔗 Links Mentioned in the Podcast

• Sign up for the weekly email list

• Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum for professionals in the disability field

• A survey for feedback on an upcoming playbook covering all 5 stages (skills, milestones, and action items)

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Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate