252 - Pride, Not Pity: Dating with Disability Pride
It's Disability Pride Month, and while this topic has been covered previously, this episode dives into how pride shows up specifically in dating.
Reframing Common Comments
Ways to respond to backhanded compliments with pride, not shame:
- "You're so brave for still dating." → Normalize it: dating is something everyone does.
- "I wouldn't even notice your disability." → Ask them to actually see and acknowledge it — it's part of who you are.
- "You don't act disabled." → "I'm proud to be disabled — it's part of who I am, not a label to live up to."
- "It's inspiring you don't let it stop you from dating." → Turn it around: ask what they want in life, then note that pursuing it isn't "inspiring," it's just human.
- "I looked up your disability before our date." → Ask what they learned, and clarify what actually applies to you.
- A gentle brush-off/rejection tied to disability → Respond with confidence: their choice reflects what they're missing, not your worth.
Bringing Pride Into Dating
- Use "and," not "but" — e.g., "I have cerebral palsy and I get around easily," not "...but I get around easily."
- Disclose early and matter-of-factly, not as a confession.
- Set an easy, humor-forward tone on dates.
- Let pride guide your boundaries — it's okay to walk away if you're being othered.
- Don't hide mobility aids, adaptive equipment, or your disability in photos.
Pride vs. Awareness
- Awareness is outward-facing — educating others, often existing without a disabled person present (campaigns, posts).
- Pride is inward-facing — how you feel about yourself, lived and personal.
- Awareness centers on accommodation ("here's what you need to know"); pride centers on identity ("this is who I am, and I like it").
- Awareness can slide into pity; pride actively resists that.
Disability Pride on Social Media
- Alex Dacy (@wheelchair_rapunzel) — disabled mom & advocate, spinal muscular atrophy
- Keah Brown — creator of #DisabledAndCute
- April Lockhart (Fashun Girly) — limb difference representation
- Paul Castle & husband Matthew — interabled couple, disability joy
- Rebekah Taussig — author of Sitting Pretty, memoirist/photographer
You probably have your own that you follow. Share them with me.
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Five Stages of Dating Success curriculum for professionals in the disability field
A survey for feedback on an upcoming playbook covering all 5 stages (skills, milestones, and items. And share it with anyone in your life who might have a story to tell! 💙
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Music by Successful Motivation
Artwork photo by Elevate
