257 - Relationships Decoded: Teaching Consent, Connection, and Self-Advocacy

We're talking with researcher Dr. Kathryn Pedgrift, focused on relationship and sexuality education for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD). The conversation covers Pedgrift's academic article, her "Relationships Decoded" curriculum, and broader systemic barriers to this kind of education.

Relationships Decoded Curriculum

Kathryn describes co-developing a curriculum called "Relationships Decoded," used in schools, middle and high schools, and transition programs. The material is freely available and not centrally tracked, so she can't say exactly where all it's used. Her team has spent the last three years researching its effectiveness through pre/post interviews with teachers.

The Ecological Framework and Priorities

Asked which layer of the ecological framework (policy, training, family attitudes, peer access) is most urgent, Kathryn points to peer access and immediate, hands-on education and skill-building, noting that current gaps exist within a larger historical and systemic context.

Skills vs. Autonomy: A Point of Disagreement

Kathy describes a local program where individuals with disabilities attend classes alongside a direct support person for eight months to work on a specific relationship-related goal tied to their care plan. Kathryn expresses mixed feelings about this model. While she agrees some skill-building support is appropriate, she argues that at some point staff and family need to step back and let the person live according to their own sense of meaning — including the freedom to make mistakes, take emotional risks, and be a full human being, not just a set of measurable goals. She notes systemic pressure toward this "goals-based" approach, since many funding agencies only pay for services tied to measurable objectives.

Vulnerability to Abuse and the Role of Education

Kathy raises the substantially higher rate of sexual assault among people with IDD and asks what gap in relationship education creates that vulnerability. Kathryn responds that:

• A lack of education makes people appear more "naive" and easier to control, which predators specifically target.
• Research shows that education — about abuse, sexuality, and assertiveness/consent — functions as a protective factor.
• People who have already experienced mistreatment or abuse may carry trauma that affects future relationships, making empathy- and consent-based education especially important for this population.

Research Gaps

Kathy notes she found little existing research connecting education to reduced abuse rates. Kathryn confirms this is a real gap, attributing it largely to systemic barriers: people with disabilities are often classified as "dependent adults," which triggers a much higher consent/protection bar for research participation. She sees this as working to their disadvantage, since it limits the evidence base that could otherwise support their needs. She adds that much of the useful existing research on this topic comes from outside the United States.

Caregiver Reluctance

Kathy asks whether abuse statistics might help persuade reluctant caregivers to support relationship education, since caregivers often assume such risks "don't apply" to their own family member. Kathryn agrees this data can be compelling, while noting she doesn't want to rely purely on fear-based messaging. She adds another angle: when people aren't given this education, they're more likely to exhibit "unexpected social-sexual behavior," which is often the actual reason people get excluded from community settings or placed in more restrictive environments — a point she believes can also motivate families and staff to support education.

Reactionary vs. Preventative Programming

Kathy asks why so much programming focuses on behavior management ("don't post those pictures," "learn to say no") rather than teaching romance, communication, and healthy relationships directly. Kathryn explains that most referrals she receives are triggered by a specific incident or behavior that alarmed someone, which pushes services toward being reactionary rather than preventative. Programs get built around damage control instead of proactively teaching relationship skills.

Reading Behavior as Communication

Kathy raises the idea that all behavior is a form of communication and asks whether professionals dig deep enough into what a person might be trying to express when a "concerning" incident triggers a referral. Kathryn agrees this doesn't happen enough — often, someone is simply communicating a desire for a relationship or intimacy, and the professional response is just to shut the behavior down ("don't do that, that's not safe") rather than teaching a safer way to pursue the same underlying need.

Professional Over-Control and Privacy

Discussing how to teach self-awareness through this lens, Kathryn says professionals need to learn to be less controlling and to respect individuals' privacy — including in online interactions or behind closed doors. She suggests professionals sometimes overreach in the name of safety, casting themselves as protectors in a way that ends up being overly restrictive. She acknowledges she doesn't have a complete answer but believes professionals often need to consciously "back off."

Training Professionals

Kathy asks about Kathryn's experience training professionals. Kathryn says nearly everyone she encounters agrees this education is important, but most don't want to be the one teaching it themselves. Kathy notes she's observed the same pattern. Kathryn attributes the reluctance to a mix of discomfort and lack of resources, and specifically to liability concerns — for example, fear about how to respond if abuse is disclosed during a class, especially among school staff who aren't trained as therapists. Kathy, who identifies herself as a mental health counselor, agrees and describes her own approach of reassuring professionals and encouraging them to try anyway rather than defer entirely to specialists.

Including Disabled Voices in Curriculum Design

Kathy asks what "effective inclusion of disabled voices" looks like in curriculum development. Kathryn describes a project where her team interviewed people with disabilities on camera about what they wished they had known before adulthood regarding relationships. Answers included wanting to have known about abuse before experiencing it, and about online scams before losing money. These lived-experience insights became a foundational part of the curriculum design. Kathryn stresses that without directly including people with disabilities in development, non-disabled curriculum designers will have blind spots about issues that matter most.

Addressing Ableism Directly

Kathy shifts to asking about addressing ableism specifically related to sexuality within curricula. Kathryn says she frequently hears a desire from the community for peer-to-peer education — structured sessions built around key facts, but with room for people with disabilities to discuss personal experience and give each other advice without non-disabled staff present in the room. She sees this as a valuable complement to formally taught content.

Kathy pushes back slightly (in a "devil's advocate" framing), asking whether support staff also need this education themselves, given how "clueless" they can be about ableism related to sexuality. Kathryn agrees enthusiastically, saying it's valuable to have staff present and engaged during this kind of teaching.

Level of Staff Involvement in Practice

Asked how involved staff typically are when Kathryn teaches her curriculum, she says it varies widely — sometimes staff are active participants, sometimes they're passively present, and some classes have no staff at all. She finds it most productive when staff are engaged and comfortable with the content, noting that comfort level varies a lot person to person.

Measuring Success and Future Research

As the interview wraps up, Kathy asks what a single meaningful research question or desired outcome would be for relationship education. Kathryn says the biggest marker of success is simply someone being able to participate in a meaningful relationship after taking part in this kind of education. She shares specific examples she considers wins:

• Women who recognized warning signs of impending sex trafficking and got out of the situation.
• People who recognized they were being contacted online by minors and blocked them.

Asked what she'd most want to research next, Kathryn identifies professional resistance to delivering this education as the biggest unaddressed barrier and an area she'd like to study further, since it hasn't been researched directly despite appearing to be a major obstacle. Kathy agrees this would be a valuable research direction.

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Artwork photo by Elevate