263 - Trauma-Informed Dating: Healing, Red Flags, and Reclaiming Desire

This week Kathy takes on a heavier topic: trauma-informed care, and how trauma shows up in dating for people with disabilities.

Content note: This episode discusses abuse and sexual violence. Please take care of yourself as you listen.

• What "trauma-informed" means: safety, trust, choice, collaboration, and empowerment, based on SAMHSA's core principles
• Why disabled people face higher rates of abuse, sexual violence, and medical trauma
• Disclosure dilemmas and the toll of inaccessible dating apps
• Red flags, including:
  • Abuse tactics that target disability, like withholding medication, mobility aids, or benefits
  • Hearing "no one else will put up with you"
  • Blurred lines when a partner is also a caregiver
• Sexual ableism and the wounds it leaves, from missing sex ed and infantilization to medical harm, reproductive control, and institutional restrictions
• Building healthier connections through framing needs as normal, accessible date planning, pacing, interdependence, and safety planning
• Reclaiming sexuality as part of disability justice

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotline.org. Call 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.
• RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline): rainn.org. Call 1-800-656-4673.
• SAMHSA's Trauma-Informed Approach: samhsa.gov
• Already Doing It: Intellectual Disability and Sexual Agency by Michael Gill (University of Minnesota Press)
• #DisabledPeopleAreHot on Instagram, for disability-affirming creators

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Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate