264 - What Relationship Looks Like Four Years In

As part of working on my upcoming book about sexual ableism and dating with a disability, I interview Marco and his partner Dana as a follow up to my interview in episode 77.  Marco is legally blind from premature birth, with some residual vision. They've been together just over four years.

How They Met

They matched on Bumble, where Dana reached out first. Marco had disclosed his blindness in his profile. They talked by phone for weeks before meeting. Dana asked practical questions about guiding and cane use, then walked him into a curb on their first date. Marco was surprised she wanted to talk at all, since many people back off once they learn he's blind.

Dana's Learning Curve

Dana's worries were about herself, not Marco. She didn't want to belittle him or treat him like a child, and she still asks before helping, for example with cutting food. She learned that blindness is a spectrum and adapted at home by keeping floors clear and announcing open doors. She was surprised how little help he needs; he walks their street with just the dog.

Family Doubt

Marco's family questioned whether he could live on his own and suspected Dana might take advantage of him. Marco found this disheartening: his own family thought so little of him. Four years of stable independence have largely eased those fears, though no one has apologized.

Daily Life and Intimacy

They describe their life as typical. They rarely fight, credit good communication and shared values, and plan ahead for accommodations, like airport assistance when flying. Intimacy required only the ordinary conversations any couple has.

Growth and Independence

Marco says the relationship has boosted his confidence enormously. He's starting community college in addictions counseling after 20 years out of school, which he says he probably wouldn't have done otherwise. Living with a peer instead of a parent feels like more equal footing and more freedom.

Advice

Their advice is don't give up and start small, for instance one outing a week. Getting out in public helps break down stereotypes. Marco found Dana while using apps, church, and Meetup at the same time.

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Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate