265 - The Profile as a Filter: Disclosing Disability to Attract the Right People

When to Disclose

There's no single right answer, so do what feels comfortable. Kathy's disability is visible, so she recommends naming it in the profile. That filters out people who wouldn't be interested and saves emotional energy. With a less apparent disability, waiting may make more sense. She describes three disclosure points:

• The profile: the most direct filter.
• Early messaging: useful before meeting
• In person: easier when the disability isn't obvious.

I once met a coffee date who had a disability but never mentioned it, despite my openness. That didn't sit well with me. You can also disclose indirectly through photos or interests. One woman she interviewed for my upcoming book mentioned disability advocacy in her profile. Her future husband googled her and figured it out.

How to Write It

• Lead with who you are. Disability is part of your story, not the headline.
• Use humor if it's authentic to you.
• Speak confidently, since your attitude shows others how to treat you.
• Mention practical needs, e.g., using a wheelchair means seeking accessible date spots.
• Never apologize, and drop the "but." Say "I have cerebral palsy and I'm friendly," not "but I'm friendly."

Photos

Include mobility aids and show yourself being active and doing things you love. That presents you as someone with interests, not just a person with a disability.

Handling Responses

• Set boundaries in advance about which questions you'll answer, knowing some may become acceptable over time.
• Watch for devotees and fetishizers, trust your gut, and end the connection.
• Ghosting reflects on them, not you. It filters out people who wouldn't be supportive.

She shares a story from a conference. A man disclosed his disability the day before a first date. His match replied with her own quirks, like getting embarrassed and being allergic to apples, which Kathy saw as an ideal response.

Takeaways

Write a profile even if you're not dating online. It clarifies who you are and what you want. The goal isn't to appeal to everyone but to attract the right people. Below is a free profile-writing guide and invites listeners to share their best and worst disclosure responses for future episodes.

Links Mentioned 

Episodes about disclosure (ep. 11) and profile writing (ep. 12).

How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile (free guide)

Contact me with the best or most interesting disclosure story you have.

The Five Stages of Dating Success Playbook is out now — $27 digital, $45 hardcopy

Take our Dating Success quiz.

Music by Successful Motivation

Artwork photo by Elevate